i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize