My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
