Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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