We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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