Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
