Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
