that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I came so hard my ears popped.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
