can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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