dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
