The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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