Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize