I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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