Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
