I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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