who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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