Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
