Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
being pregnant is like rehab
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
