my mouth tastes like poor choices
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
