the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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