I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
