this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
