also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
