god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
