So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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