i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
