Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
