peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
