Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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