hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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