I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
no, he came in my armpit
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
