did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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