So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
