please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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