guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
