this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
