So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
