i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
