Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
