Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
