My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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