Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
