I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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