My cat gives me a boner
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
