I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
