she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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