i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
why do cheetos always look like penises
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
