I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
