6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
