Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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