We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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