btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We left the knife in your bed.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Help. Why am I so naked?
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