my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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