yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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