Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
