She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
