Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You've changed since you got that strap on
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize