just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
