Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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