no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
