im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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