My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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