Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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