I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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