You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
