Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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