I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
