She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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