we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
