Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
