Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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