i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
