tell your sister to shave her snatch
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
