i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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