best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
