I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
