Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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