i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
