I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
