Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Bring me that man meat
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
