was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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