I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
