Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
