We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
