how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
