no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
