so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
