I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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