if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
