guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
