so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He felt like a one man threesome
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize