Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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