So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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