I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
