the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
