I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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