is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's blow job season.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
