He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
