i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
MIDGETS
????
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
