haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
