thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
