I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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