maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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