sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
