you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
