Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
