There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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