I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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