I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize