Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
