Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
